Old Poetry

Time

Tick Tock Tick Tock,
Quickly ticks the clock.
A day whips by,
Then another does fly.
From youth to maid,
My path was laid.
Now time slows,
And a warm breeze blows.
I look back at life,
Always friend, lover, mother, wife.
Every breath taken for others,
Be it friends, family or lovers.
When will I take a breath for me,
When my ashes are scattered at sea?
The time must be now,
Although I am unsure how.
Guess we shall see,
What my new life will be.

© 2006 Carol “Pixie” Brearley
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One Night

The morning sun breaks through the dark,
As it slowly crests over the mountains.
Quietly you slip from my arms,
And slide into your clothes, intent to steal away.
You take one last look to remember me,
Then of you go, just another day.

The click of the door wakes me,
My bedding so cold and empty.
I look around but there is nothing to see,
As you have taken all your things away.
Was it all just a dream I wonder,
Were you never really here at all?
Did I imagine your soft caresses,
Your warm body sliding against mine?

Slowly I move from my bed,
Moving to the dresser I see a box.
Slowly I lift it, opening it slightly,
Inside a silver chain and faery charm lies.
No note,
A trinket,
A silent tear.

Gone in a flutter,
Gone in a flash.
A night to remember,
A night to forget.

© 2006 Carol “Pixie” Brearley
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I HAD A DREAM

I had a dream I was walking on the beach, all alone by the moonlight.

The sky was clear and the stars twinkled like thousands of fireflies.

A voice whispered in my ear on the breeze.

I turned, but no one was there.

Again, the voice speaks so softly I can barely hear it.

Whispering back, “I know you…”

I feel the warmth of my tears, as they slowly glide down my cheeks.

Finally, I understand what she is saying…

My heart tears open, yet again.

Slowly I fall to my knees in the sand.

Down I crumble, into a ball, sobbing heavily as I did fifteen years before.

I scream out “WHY!”

In the distance a dog howls, but no other answer.

A warm breeze caresses my cheek, as she whispers her final good-bye.

© 2007 Carol “Pixie” Brearley

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A Darker Side

Trouble’s brewing,
Anger stewing,
Fury renewing,
White is losing.

A darker side,
A lonely ride,
Sanity slides,
Hatred arise.

Dark,

Cold,

Hatful,
Old.

© 2007 Carol “Pixie” Brearley

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Hateful

Hurtful,
Angry,
Treacherous,

Evil,

Furious,

Unrelenting,

Lonely.

© 2007 Carol “Pixie” Brearley

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Love is

Love is the light,
That guides the soul.
It brings you up,
From the darkest hole.
It gives you meaning,
When all was lost.
It brings you hope,
When you feel alone.

© 2007 Carol “Pixie” Brearley

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I am light

you are dark

I will fight

you give up

I will try

you say why

Let me cry.

© 2010 Carol “Pixie” Brearley

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Emptiness inside

Fighting the sadness I cry

With false smiles I lie

© 2010 Carol “Pixie” Brearley

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Drowning out the sorrow

Every breath in pain

Again I start the day

Today I hurt again

How will I be the same

© 2010 Carol “Pixie” Brearley

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Assumptions

If there is one thing that can make me really angry when I am not, it's someone assuming and telling me that I am pissed off. Just because I am trying to defend myself it does not mean I am pissed off and when I say can we just drop this and let it go I am saying that because I am trying really hard not to get upset. Worst possible thing you can say to me after I say that is I'm not upset, you're the one that is pissed off because you know what? Now I am and I am done talking.

Moral of this is do not assume and we all know why right? Because it makes an ass of u & me.

ponderings

Friedrich Nietzsche said "That which does not kill us makes us stronger." So let us say that we go through something and it makes us stronger. We build a life on these pillars unaware of the decay forming in their foundations. One day something slams into those pillars and that life we built comes crashing down. Now we are covered in rubble, grasping for air and trying to get above it. What do we do now?

Trust and Betrayal

For the longest time I knew better than to put too much faith in others. I've spent a lot of time forgetting why and building trust and faith is humanity but all it takes is one thing. One thing can cause that wall of trust to come crashing down and crumble into little pieces. Then you remember why.
Sunday night I had a total meltdown. First one that bad in ten years, and oddly enough it was for the same thing that caused the one back then. Before my husband I was with someone that had beaten my self esteem into the ground to the point of suicidal tendencies. I absolutely believed I was lacking in shapeliness and worthless and I hated myself. It was all because he would show me nude pictures of "the perfect woman" and tell me how I was lacking here and there and how anyone that was with me was just settling until someone better came along. It took me all this time to rebuild my self esteem and be happy with myself and then Sunday night someone sent my husband a text image of a full frontal nude of a woman with her arms tied above her head and she was build just like "the perfect woman" and I lost it. All that pain, all that self doubt is back. Now I feel like shit about myself again. I pretend I am fine, but inside I hate myself and do not want anyone to look at me. I just want to lock myself away from the world, but I have a family so I can't. Instead I put on my mask, pretend everything is fine, and cry inside.

Close Call - Dream

I was in a warehouse on the fifth floor of a large building. There were stacks of crates all over, and people working. I was waiting for someone (not sure who) and decided to go downstairs to wait since it was very warm in the warehouse. The elevator had just started heading down so I decided to take the stairs instead of waiting for it to return. I went outside, walked around in front of the building and then had the thought that perhaps the elevator was going down for the person I was meeting. Heading back I took the elevator up. When I stepped off there was blood spattered against the nearest crates and everyone on the floor was dead. I screamed and then woke up.

The Box - Dream

I wake up and I am in an 8'x8' room but there are no windows or doors. In the ceiling are 4 small holes (one in each corner) and in the very center of the ceiling is a globe style light fixture. The walls and ceiling are a light grey. There is nothing on the walls anywhere in the room, no switches, vents or anything. The floor is a charcoal grey cork but there are no seams, not even where it meets the walls. The song I Want To Marry A Lighthouse Keeper is being piped into the room but I can not tell from what direction. There is nothing but me in the room and just as panic starts to set in I wake up.

Frustrated Housewife

Sometimes I feel highly underappreciated. Every day I get the kids together, make their lunches, see them off to school. I cook and clean. Each week I wash between 5 and 7 loads of laundry, including folding everyone's clothes. I water all the houseplants, do the grocery shopping, straighten up and try to remain sane. Is that not enough? I've been trying to write a book, but half the time I end up cleaning or doing some other chore instead of working on it. Yet I have plenty of time to "do that one thing" because I have all that free time. {{sigh}} Yes, DH goes to work and works all day, but just because I don't leave the house to work doesn't mean I do not work. What will happen when I finally do get a job and can't keep up with all the tasks I currently do now?