It's been a while since I have ranted...

So everyone has been talking about how wonderful it is to have a tablet so I started looking into them.  Yes, okay...they are pretty darn cool.  So now I start seriously considering one, unfortunately I cannot seem to find one that fits my specific parameters.

1. No Windows 8 Yes, I know that Windows 8 was pretty much designed for Tablets but it sucks donkey butt and I really do not want to have to deal with it.
2. Microsoft Office I use Office for everything I do, so it is a definite requirement. No Office, no deal.
3. External Keyboard No, I do not mean an attached one like a laptop, I mean either a wireless one or one that connects to it so that when I have an inspiration and want to write something down I can do it easily.
4. Swappable Batteries A spare battery would be bliss when going on trips where I may not be able to plug in when the battery gets low.

I am really not asking for a whole lot, just something that fits my needs and desires and will make me happy.  Is that too much to ask for?