Why is it that men seem to feel a need to lie to us when they are caught? Do they think it will make things better? Don't they realize we know they are lying and that it is just hurting us more?
A little bit of wisdom
Men who lie or cheat or abuse will never change, especially if it's been going on for years. It is like a disease, it seeps into their blood and the longer it's there the stronger it gets. After time they become experts at hiding the evidence. They can fool even the most observant eye. When it gets to this point you can not change them. The disease has taken them over. It's tainted their blood! Here are the different types of abusers men can be: A man who physically abuses learns to hit or grab where the bruises will not be seen. Generally the abuse is worse in the winter, more places covered. In the summer however, it hurts more because you are constantly being struck in the same areas. She will believe that she deserves what she is receiving, and keep things hidden from those that love her to protect him.
A man who mentally abuses learns that he can abuse the person so much that they feel the world would not believe a word they say. They begin to believe they are worthless and insignificant. They will even begin to create lies to cover for the abuser, feeling they "owe" him something. A lot of times the mental abuser is coupled with the physical abuser, if not eventually it will be.
A man who sexually abuses believes that since he is in a relationship with the person he deserves sexual gratification whenever he wants it. He will take it even when she is not in the mood, forcing himself upon her. Eventually this becomes a form of mental abuse as well because the woman will begin to wonder if she is wrong for not giving to him what he wants when he wants it.
Liars are one of my hardest to deal with. Some men just lie. They may not even realize they are doing it because they have been doing it for so long. They could be small lies, or they can be big ones, but they are all the same to him. They get so good at it you can't even see the signs when they do it. Be careful, they can make people believe you are the one in the wrong.
And now for what I feel is the worst offender, the cheater. Cheating can take many forms. The affair with another woman. The internet affair. And the one that at one point nearly killed me because... Well, that's another story. The porn pervert.
First, the affair. A man has a relationship with another woman. This could be sexual or emotional. A sexual affair though still hurtful, could have been a meaningless act of stupidity, but an emotional affair is worse. He's started to confide in the other woman, spending time with her. Eventually this will lead to the destruction of your relationship. He will begin to distance himself from you emotionally, and eventually all together. The sexual affair has broken my heart many a time in my past.
Next, the internet affair. This could be secret sexual IM's or letters. The man might not even think he is doing anything wrong, since there is no physical contact. I've not suffered from this one, (at least I never found out about it.) So I can't really get into it much.
Finally, the porn pervert. My heart still bears the scars and I still carry a mistrust because of this one. In short, I was with a man who was literally obsessed with porn. He would download, no exaggeration, 50 - 100 images a day. He would lie to me and say he wasn't looking, then do it again. My self image deteriorated until I felt ugly and worthless, then the final straw broke. He was looking at porn instead of picking me up from work. I lost it and tried to kill myself. I was heartbroken and mentally destroyed. Now, just the thought of the man I am with looking at it nearly brings me to tears. I think if I were to ever find him looking at it I would have to go away for a while, and it may even ruin the relationship for good. When a man looks at porn in secret while in a relationship, he is giving the woman the feeling that she is not sexually gratifying him. The way she feels about her physical appearance will diminish. It hurts more than the man thinks. And the effects can last a long time.
I have gone on so much about the deceptions and abuse of men, but I completely forgot about the cruelties of women. I guess I managed to block it out. I have been hurt by nearly every female I have come across. I've been told that it is because they feel threatened by me, so they lash out. I don't know why they would feel threatened. When I become friends with someone I would do anything for them. I have, on numerous occasions, put my own problems aside to help out my best friend. I have certain rules of etiquette when I am friends with someone, but for some reason women still feel threatened by me. Anyway, now that I have said that, let me tell you some of the things women have done to me.
Verbal cruelty seems to be one of the major forms of abuse women take. If a female feels threatened by another she will try to make the other female feel bad about herself. It could be by pointing out flaws in her appearance, or life. Making up false stories about her, or her significant other.
© 2005 Carol “Pixie” Brearley
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